Open Source Gave Me Everything Until I Had Nothing Left to Give - Kenneth Reitz

That was an impactful read thanks for sharing it. People who build open source pour so much of themselves into it and I can absolutely see it becoming unhealthy easily, in many different ways, and the culture not being able to identify someone is unwell.

The fact that I immediately identified people I want to share this with is mildly alarming to me...

That's the most well written account of something similar I experienced, but not to that extent.

You start out doing something because you enjoy it, then you hyperfocus because your brain is built in that way, then the praise and accolades start pouring in (for me it was academic success and getting into MIT), then it becomes your identity and you/others (mainly yourself as he pointed out) start expecting that level of output from you, you try to maintain it to unhealthy levels because your brain was built without the normal guardrails to keep itself safe, and in one way or another you just break.

For me, as my body was breaking down from stress and sleep deprivation in my 20s, I went to doctor after doctor who diagnosed me with one rare incurable diagnosis after another. A lot of young women may relate with the progression: POTS, then EDS, maybe autoimmune diseases or CFS, likely MCAS and gastroparesis, then sleep apnea and narcolepsy, also migraines with severe aura symptoms towards the end. I believed I did have a rare disease because I had Bells Palsy at 15 (from school stress!) and I still have lingering effects from that ever since.

It actually mainly ended up being sleep apnea, but to his point, an earlier diagnosis and treatment would've been great, but it wouldn't have solved my lack of boundaries and identity outside of "MIT grad" either. My breaking point was being so sleep deprived I literally stopped having thoughts and desires. I just...stopped showing up for work because all my brain wanted was sleep at every moment and couldn't conceptualize any other thought. I'm past that now thankfully, and I'm grateful for the things that part of my life brought me, but yeah, being that "smart and accomplished" has a very dark side. Especially if you don't come from a privileged background.

Its definitely a concern that needs addressing

I'm fair new to the open source world, just afew years. I'm not a dev so I do not contribute my time in that way. One thing that struck me at the start (and I still think about) is how demanding people are of devs with zero gratitude for the work they do and share. I still find it utterly bizarre and entitled. It's disappointing

Yep I've been close to something like that, but I never had nowhere enough success to make me manic. It's also another thing, way too many asocial nerds get into Foss development but don't get any such recognition and just burn out.

I think this quote applies to literally everyone: "The house I live in matters more than the code I ship."

Replace "code I ship" with "reel I post" or, even more broad, "job i have." Really anything. It's a lesson needed in every industry or hobby. Recent trends with "maxing" everything or hustle culture and all that goes with these ideas are so unhealthy. We need rest. We need boredom. We need stasis.

Thanks for sharing, this is a great piece.

BURN THIS IMAGE INTO YOUR MIND AND BE THANKFUL!